Random thoughts on Zodiac Symbols

In the year 2009 does anyone still believe in horoscopes? Here's the injustice of horoscopes for me. Let's start with my birthday, June 27, 1969. Yes, I'm a Cancer. Let's start there.
Definition:
Cancer- 1: a malignant tumor of potentially unlimited growth that expands locally by invasion and systemically by metastasis.
Cancer- 2: something evil or malignant that spreads destructively.
Cancer- 3: the fourth sign of the Zodiac in astrology.

So my Zodiac symbol shares a name with a malignant tumor or something evil. How lucky! Then there's the Zodiac sign which for Cancer is a crab. Let's go back to the dictionary.
Definition:
Crab- 1: any of numerous chiefly marine broadly built decapod crustaceans.
Crab- 2: plural--infestation with crab lice.
Again, I won the Zodiac lottery. Think of "crab" and two thoughts come to mind. A creature that scurries around on the bottom of the ocean feeding on garbage; or an infestation of lice in your privates.

Needless to say I don't get very excited about my Zodiac sign at least not about the traditional western Zodiac. Give me the Chinese Zodiac any day. Monkey, Ox, Dragon. Those sound so much cooler than Lea, Virgo, Cancer. Of course, with the Chinese Zodiac I didn't make out very well either. I got stuck with "rooster." Not that a rooster is bad but at some point in the past 15 years the Chinese Zodiac's marketing division decided to make the change from "cock" to "rooster." Maybe they got tired of westerners laughing at the word cock on their placemats in Chinese Restaurants. "Look Joe, you're a cock!" How many times had the waiter heard that one before?

I remember what could have been my first time in a Chinese Restaurant. My mom and dad had taken my brother and me to dinner. As we sat down and ordered there came that lull that most parents fear. What to do to keep the kids entertained until the food comes. Most restaurants today have solved that problem for you by creating an activity page that goes on the back of the kid's menu. They provide cheap crayons and only hope this can keep your kids entertained while they prep your meal. In 1976 this marvel hadn't been invented so there was nothing else to keep a 7 year old occupied except the Chinese Zodiac place mat. It turned out to be a mini treasure hunt. Go through all the dates to find my symbol. When I finally found it I remember being too excited to keep it in. I turned to my dad and in the voice that all parents know announced to him and the rest of the restaurant that I was a cock! "Look daddy, I'm a cock! Is that how you say that word? Cock? COCK!" We never went back to a Chinese Restaurant again.